Writing An Emotionally Abusive Character
It has been so long since I last posted. It's lame of me, I know. And excuses are like earlobes in that everybody has 2... hopefully. But after a crazy summer with all 5 kids home with me, postpartum depression, and traveling all summer long I am FINALLY feeling like myself again and able to take a minute to write.
Speaking of writing did you know I am trying to write a book? Seriously, I am! I have always loved reading great books and being in a book club is one of my favorite things to do. But after reading one lousy book after another that just left me wondering how in the world they got published in the first place I decided I should stop complaining and start fixing the problem.
SO... I am now in the process of writing a book of my own!
I really love writing. Getting to know the characters has been fun and trying to express the story that is so vivid in my head on to paper had been a creative challenge. I always liked those.
So in the story I have 2 sisters. One is a sweetie and the other... well not so sweet. The not so sweet sister, or Noss as I call her, has been a long time forming. She has taken on many different attitudes with the other characters but the one that always seems to stick is the most intriguing.
As I have been writing I have come to realize that the not so sweet sister, Noss, is actually emotionally abusive to the other sister.
Say what? I've heard about physical abuse but what is emotional abuse?
Well I am so glad that you asked!
Everyone knows about physical abuse. It's easy to tell if someone is physically abusing you. They hit you leave. (That is the very simple explanation. I know there is more to it than that.)
But emotional abuse is harder to see. How can you tell it someone is emotionally abusive, like Noss or not. That is where this awesome article I read came in to help me out.
It's called
11 Signs You Might Be In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship from huffpost.com.
Some of the signs that Noss kept exhibiting surprised me that they were even emotional abuse. So let me share them with you.
1. Apologizing when you did nothing wrong
Noss is such a manipulative character that she has sweet sister apologizing when she did nothing wrong. How? Noss has convinced Sweet Sister that she is inconsiderate and selfish by telling her these things over and over again until Sweet Sister believes her. Not cool.
2. Your partner is hot and cold
Your partner is loving one moment and distant and unavailable the next. No matter how hard you try to figure out why, you can’t. They deny being withdrawn, and you start panicking, trying hard to get back into their good graces. Absent an explanation for why they’re turned off, you start blaming yourself. Done often enough, this can turn a relatively independent person into an anxious pleaser.” ― Peg Streep, author of Daughter Detox: Recovering from An Unloving Mother and Reclaiming Your Life
I thought that this summed it up perfectly. Noss is endless switching her emotions multiple times in a single scene so that Sweet Sister is totally confused! That has to be hard to deal with.
3. Withholding of affection to punish you
This is one that Noss does often. She will withhold affection of praise for everyone unless they go along with what she wants, when she wants it, how she wants it. Noss has so many strings attached that she is a proverbial puppet master of everyone she knows. No one wants strings attached in a relationship, especially with your sister.
4. You feel sorry for your partner, even though they hurt you!
“Emotional abusers are master manipulators, and they are able to screw you over while at the same time making you feel that it’s either your fault, or at the very least, something they couldn’t help because of their childhood or a past relationship, how hurt they are over something you said or did or even nothing at all ― you just feel sorry for them. Victims of emotional abuse often overlook their abusers’ behavior because they are overly relating with the ‘hurt’ part of the abuser — the innocent part, or the side of the abuser that seems lost, rejected, abandoned.” ― Stines
Noss is a master manipulators. This has Sweet Sister feeling like every problem in their relationship is her fault. Even when it isn't!
All of these manipulative things eventually pushes the character of Sweet Sister to take drastic measures to leave the situation so she can be honestly happy. It is a major enticing incident in the book.
While it will still be a while until this book is done I am so excited to be sharing some of the it with you. I hope that it will get you as excited to read the book as I am to write it.
Until Next Time!!
