Is it just me or has 2020 been crazy? Let's be honest, we are all waiting for the new year with the hopes it will be better than this one. I don't want to say it, but can it really get any worse?
At the start of this year my soul felt weary. Not just tired, but seriously weary. I thought I was crazy or something. How can a persons immortal soul be weary? But there is no other way to describe it. As I fought to get my physical body rejuvenated after PPD, anxiety, seasonal depression, and type 2 diabetes, my soul lagged behind. Then the chaos that we call the pandemic started.
I didn't know what to do or where to turn. My kids were nervous with all the changes happening and needed comfort. I needed comfort. So I turned to the only giver of peace.
As I worked to build a stronger relationship with Jesus Christ, the peace that had been missing returned. And my soul began to revive. Now, amid the political unrest and sickness that prevails, I feel better than I have in the past three years.
How did I do it? I am so glad you asked. There were many things, but this first one was key.
Prayer
Yep, that was it. Prayer. Instead of having simple and quick prayers, I really began to speak to the Lord. It's the first thing I do every morning. The alarm goes off and I roll out of bed and onto my knees.
I plead with him to watch over my children. They are so important to me. Every version of my life that I imagine includes them. I ask God t watch over them and keep them in the palm of His hand throughout the day.
prayer also helps me realize what is most important to myself. You know how you start talking to a friend and suddenly you are venting about things you didn't even realize were bothering you but suddenly they are the straw that broke the camels back? By praying daily to God, just talking out him about upcoming events or things past, I am able to find out what I consider the most vital. Then, all those extra straws can get taken care of or discarded. Suddenly my back feels much lighter and I'm no longer worried about breaking.
That is not to say I am unbreakable. I have broken over these past three years. Broken so completely I wonder how I am still standing. It is only through the strength and grace of the atonement of Jesus Christ that I am able to keep moving. There are days when each step is agony, (literally if you have ever heard about my hip disfunction), but I know that through Christ I can and will be strengthened to do what is most needed that day.
Pray to Him. Pour out your heart to Him. It will feel strange if it's been a while but it is worth it. If you are self-conscious about praying in front of others, find a quiet spot. I have prayed in my bathroom so many times just because it is the only door that locks. I've had the fan on so no one hears me mutter to myself, and even as little fingers find their way under the door I still speak with my Savior.
That's it. Just talk to the person who gave their life for you. Let Him into your heart and let Him guide you. It won't fix every problem you've ever had right away, but it will give you clarity on many things over time.
