The Best Life

 Have you ever heard the phrase 'Living their best life'? 

When we hear 'living their best life' we think of people with amazing careers, being able to take exotic vacations, or just doing a ton of exciting things. Never once does the notion bring to mind someone kind. 

Kindness takes many forms. A smile, a few gentle words, taking on a charity, etc.. The list is endless as to what is kind. 

One woman in my community was kind by being the driving force behind a new park. My kids would live at that park if I let them. A lot of kids would. It took a lot of time and effort to get this new park, but it was a kindness done to all the children in our community and they love it. 

This weeks message is short but it comes with a challenge. Try this week to be a little kinder. As you do, think about how that brings out the best in you and those around you, helping all of you to live your best lives. 

I hope you'll share your experiences with me. I know that I'll share mine with you! 

And remember, I love you! 

Closer to Christ

 

Is it just me or has 2020 been crazy? Let's be honest, we are all waiting for the new year with the hopes it will be better than this one. I don't want to say it, but can it really get any worse? 

With all chaos that has been going on, I feel that the only thing that has kept me afloat this year has been my relationship with my Savior. I'm not perfect and fake that I am, but I do love Jesus. He is the foundation of my life and the only thing that keeps me going some days. 

At the start of this year my soul felt weary. Not just tired, but seriously weary. I thought I was crazy or something. How can a persons immortal soul be weary? But there is no other way to describe it. As I fought to get my physical body rejuvenated after PPD, anxiety, seasonal depression, and type 2 diabetes, my soul lagged behind. Then the chaos that we call the pandemic started. 

I didn't know what to do or where to turn. My kids were nervous with all the changes happening and needed comfort. I needed comfort. So I turned to the only giver of peace. 

As I worked to build a stronger relationship with Jesus Christ, the peace that had been missing returned. And my soul began to revive. Now, amid the political unrest and sickness that prevails, I feel better than I have in the past three years. 

How did I do it? I am so glad you asked. There were many things, but this first one was key. 

Prayer 

Yep, that was it. Prayer. Instead of having simple and quick prayers, I really began to speak to the Lord. It's the first thing I do every morning. The alarm goes off and I roll out of bed and onto my knees. 

I plead with him to watch over my children. They are so important to me. Every version of my life that I imagine includes them. I ask God t watch over them and keep them in the palm of His hand throughout the day. 

prayer also helps me realize what is most important to myself. You know how you start talking to a friend and suddenly you are venting about things you didn't even realize were bothering you but suddenly they are the straw that broke the camels back? By praying daily to God, just talking out him about upcoming events or things past, I am able to find out what I consider the most vital. Then, all those extra straws can get taken care of or discarded. Suddenly my back feels much lighter and I'm no longer worried about breaking. 

That is not to say I am unbreakable. I have broken over these past three years. Broken so completely I wonder how I am still standing. It is only through the strength and grace of the atonement of Jesus Christ that I am able to keep moving. There are days when each step is agony, (literally if you have ever heard about my hip disfunction), but I know that through Christ I can and will be strengthened to do what is most needed that day. 

Pray to Him. Pour out your heart to Him. It will feel strange if it's been a while but it is worth it. If you are self-conscious about praying in front of others, find a quiet spot. I have prayed in my bathroom so many times just because it is the only door that locks. I've had the fan on so no one hears me mutter to myself, and even as little fingers find their way under the door I still speak with my Savior. 

That's it. Just talk to the person who gave their life for you. Let Him into your heart and let Him guide you. It won't fix every problem you've ever had right away, but it will give you clarity on many things over time. 

Valentine's Day Rice Crispy Snacks

Looking for the perfect yet easy thing to make for Valentine's Day for your kids? Well look tho farther than your own kitchen. Chocolate Dipped Rice Crispy Snacks are fast, easy, and cheap. You only need a few things that could already be in your cupboards. 

Rice Crispy Cereal, Chocolate Chips, Marshmallows, Butter, and Sprinkles. 

To start, make a batch of Rice Crispy's. I made a double batch to fill a well buttered 18 x 13 pan.  I used the rice crispy recipe on the back of the cereal box. (I used to think that Rice Crispy's were super hard to make and only the most amazing of mothers ever made them ;)

After the Rice Crispy's have had a chance to cool off, and aren't so sticky, you can use any cookie cutter to make your shapes.  I used a medium sized heart cutter. I don't recommend doing any shape that is very elaborate. It can get hard getting the crispy out of the cutter. If the cookie cutter gets too sticky then rub it down with some butter. Remember, when making rice crispy treats butter is your friend! 

You can stop here... Or you can make these simple treats spectacular! 

Put all your rice crispy's on wax paper. 

Place one back of chocolate chips into a microwavable bowl. My husband will only eat milk chocolate so we have no semi-sweet in this house. You can this recipe with either kind of chocolate, just watch it very carefully on the next few steps.

On medium heat, microwave the chocolate chips for 1 to 1 1/2 minutes. The chocolate is melted when it becomes shiny. 

Add 2 Tablespoons of margarine to the Chocolate and stir thoroughly. 

Once the chocolate is smooth dip part of one of the rice crispy hearts into it. I did the top half of the treat. Put it back onto the wax paper.  

Add the sprinkles to the still wet chocolate. I let my kids do this part. 

And Voila! You have some amazing Valentine Day treats that didn't take hours to make!

Chocolate Dipped Rice Crispy Hearts

6 Tbs Butter

2 Packages Marshmallows (10 oz. each) 

12 Cups Rice Crispy's

1 Package Chocolate Chips (about 11 oz.) 

2 Tbs Butter 

Grease 18 x 13 cookie sheet well. 

Put 12 cups (about 1 box) Rice Crispy's into large bowl. 

Melt 6 Tbs butter in large sauce pan over medium heat. Add marshmallows to melted butter and mix until marshmallows are melted. Pour over rice crispy's. Mix until well coated. 

Put marshmallow/ rice crispy mix into greased pat using a buttered spatula. Press down evenly. 

After rice crispy's have cooled cut out with cookie cutters. Place cut crispy's on wax paper. 

Empty bag of chocolate chips into microwave safe bowl. Melt on medium heat for 1 to 1 1/2 minutes in microwave. 

Add remaining 2 Tbs butter to chocolate. Stir until smooth. 

Dip rice crispy's into warm chocolate. Lay flat on wax paper, chocolate side up. 

Decorate with sprinkles. 

Enjoy!

Postpartum Depression

I haven't done this in a long time. It's hard for me to write what I am going to even when it feels like it's over, but I keep thinking someone needs this. So here I go.
I had Postpartum Depression.
Not tiered. Not baby blues. Full on crying all the time, always in my pjs, no desire to do anything, wanting to abandon my family Postpartum Depression. Every day felt like a battle inside my head between light and darkness. And I was ashamed to admit it.
It wasn't until the thought of killing myself came the second time that I realized what was going on.
So what did Postpartum Depression, or PPD, look like? And what did I do?
It looked like me sitting on the couch with no will to get up and do anything. It looked like me crying in the middle of the floor because something had made me so sad I couldn't keep the tears at bay. It looked like me being completely overwhelmed by everything everyday and not knowing what to do to stop the stress. And I wanted to run away. So far away that no one would ever find me.
But Jess, didn't you love your family? Aren't you an active Christian? Didn't you take care of yourself?
The answer to all of these was, and still is, YES!
I love my family. My husband is my best friend and I would do anything for him. I love being a mama bear and all my little crazies! I believe in Christ and his atonement. I go to church every Sunday and take the sacrament to remember my Savior. I read the scriptures every day, I pray all the time. I do yoga, run, eat healthy, try to get plenty of rest, listen to uplifting music, go to the temple, serve others, and generally try to do those things that should make a person happy.
I will tell you that because of all those awesome things I did do I was able to not do something regrettable. Like running away or ending my life.
Even knowing that though, there was a sadness in my head that would not leave. It was an oppressive darkness that blocked out all the light.  I couldn't feel joy no matter how hard I tried to find it. I was scared to admit it to anyone. I thought I was doing something wrong. After all, my baby was nearly 4 months old so I should be feeling fantastic, right?
When baby had her 4 month checkup, I decided to speak up. I went to my doctor all prepared to tell her what was going on. Honestly, it took all the courage I had to say what was happening to me. I was so worried about being judged that I almost kept my mouth shut. But I knew that I couldn't live another day with the dark mist of depression clouding all my thoughts. So I admitted to what was happening inside my head.
I am forever grateful that I did. There was no judgement. A little surprise, yes, but no one said "shame on Jess." I needed immediate help so my doctor prescribed some medicine that worked for a little while. When it stopped working she prescribed me DULoxetine, which has helped a ton.
While the meds made my depression manageable, enough so that I could hide it from almost everyone, I still needed more help. So I started counseling.
A trained therapist talked with me every week for several months. She helped me figure out what was triggering my anxiety and depression. Once we knew that we were able to move on to ways of preventing these things from happening. I'll be honest, I cried a lot my first few visits. And it was ok with her! No judgement, no shaming. Just lots of support.
So why am I sharing this with all of you? I worry that there is such a stigma on depression and anxiety that some people don't get the help they need. If you worry that you or someone you love has Postpartum Depression, anxiety, or any other kind of depression, please speak with a doctor. Get help from a trained medical professional.
You deserve help. The people closest to you deserve for you to get help. God created medicines and doctors so you could get help. There is no shame in going to counseling. I have really enjoyed all my appointments with my therapist and the tools she has helped me develop so I can better care for myself emotionally. I don't know what I would have done without her.
So, now my baby is 2. I am feeling more in control of my emotions every day. I am able to walk away from Postpartum Depression and recover my joy for life.
I could be embarrassed when I admit what was happening to me, but I choose to forgive myself. After all, I am only human. My kids don't even remember that mommy was ever sad. Because of my doctor and therapist I didn't do anything that I regret. Because of my Savior I am again filled with light.
Above all, remember this: you are loved and you are worth it!

Gluten Free Pie Crust Hack

Gluten Free Pie Crust Hack

It's that time of year when we are making pies for our loving families. But what do we do for our family members who can't eat gluten? 

You could spend a fortune buying gluten free pie dough or pre-made pie shells. Or you could try my easy and cheap gluten free pie crust hack. 

I bet you already have the ingredients you need.

Cheerio's! 

Say What? 

Yep. Cheerio's are made gluten free. All you have to do is use them in place of Graham cracker crumbs for any of your pie recipes. And you can use any kind of Cheerio's you have on hand. It's that easy. It's that cheap. It's that amazingly awesome!

In case you don't have a graham cracker crumb recipe here is mine with instructions of how to prep your Cheerios for your pie crust. 

All you need is: 

1 1/2 cup Cheerio crumbs 

1/4 cup melted butter (1/2 a stick) 

2 Tablespoons white sugar 

Put the Cheerio's into your food processor or blender. Blend until a fine crumb is formed, about 30 seconds.

Measure out 1 1/2 cups Cheerio crumbs and put into your desired pan.

Mix in the melted butter until all the crumbs are coated. 

Mine isn't pressed into the sides of the pan perfectly but you get the idea!

Press along the edges of the pan. 

Bake for 8 minutes at 350 degrees. 

And that is it! You now have a gluten free pie crust that didn't break the bank! 

Enjoy!

No More Naked Barbies!

Do you ever get tiered of finding your daughters Barbie dolls laying around... in the nude? I sure do and it is a huge pet peeve of my hubby. So I decided to do something about it.
I took some finger nail polish and painted swimsuits on all the Barbies in my house. And you know what? My girls thought they were darling!
So after some new dolls arrived in the house I allowed my girls to paint the swimsuits on the dolls... with a lot of supervision of course.
Here is what it was like at our house yesterday afternoon!

Here is their finished Barbie! I had to help BJ a lot. Poor Aroura ended up with paint up to her chin. Thankfully we had nail polish remover on hand. Don't let you kids do this without you there to help!
The girls had a blast and I love that they are willing to keep their toys modest!

Writing An Emotionally Abusive Character

Writing An Emotionally Abusive Character

It has been so long since I last posted. It's lame of me, I know. And excuses are like earlobes in that everybody has 2... hopefully. But after a crazy summer with all 5 kids home with me, postpartum depression, and traveling all summer long I am FINALLY feeling like myself again and able to take a minute to write.

Speaking of writing did you know I am trying to write a book? Seriously, I am! I have always loved reading great books and being in a book club is one of my favorite things to do. But after reading one lousy book after another that just left me wondering how in the world they got published in the first place I decided I should stop complaining and start fixing the problem.

 SO... I am now in the process of writing a book of my own!

I really love writing. Getting to know the characters has been fun and trying to express the story that is so vivid in my head on to paper had been a creative challenge. I always liked those.

So in the story I have 2 sisters. One is a sweetie and the other... well not so sweet. The not so sweet sister, or Noss as I call her, has been a long time forming. She has taken on many different attitudes with the other characters but the one that always seems to stick is the most intriguing.

As I have been writing I have come to realize that the not so sweet sister, Noss, is actually emotionally abusive to the other sister.

Say what? I've heard about physical abuse but what is emotional abuse?

Well I am so glad that you asked!

Everyone knows about physical abuse. It's easy to tell if someone is physically abusing you. They hit you leave. (That is the very simple explanation. I know there is more to it than that.)

But emotional abuse is harder to see. How can you tell it someone is emotionally abusive, like Noss or not. That is where this awesome article I read came in to help me out.

It's called 11 Signs You Might Be In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship from huffpost.com.
Some of the signs that Noss kept exhibiting surprised me that they were even emotional abuse. So let me share them with you.

1. Apologizing when you did nothing wrong 
  Noss is such a manipulative character that she has sweet sister apologizing when she did nothing wrong. How? Noss has convinced Sweet Sister that she is inconsiderate and selfish by telling her these things over and over again until Sweet Sister believes her. Not cool.

2. Your partner is hot and cold 
  Your partner is loving one moment and distant and unavailable the next. No matter how hard you try to figure out why, you can’t. They deny being withdrawn, and you start panicking, trying hard to get back into their good graces. Absent an explanation for why they’re turned off, you start blaming yourself. Done often enough, this can turn a relatively independent person into an anxious pleaser.” ― Peg Streep, author of Daughter Detox: Recovering from An Unloving Mother and Reclaiming Your Life

  I thought that this summed it up perfectly. Noss is endless switching her emotions multiple times in a single scene so that Sweet Sister is totally confused! That has to be hard to deal with.

3. Withholding of affection to punish you 
  This is one that Noss does often. She will withhold affection of praise for everyone unless they go along with what she wants, when she wants it, how she wants it. Noss has so many strings attached that she is a proverbial puppet master of everyone she knows. No one wants strings attached in a relationship, especially with your sister.

4. You feel sorry for your partner, even though they hurt you! 
“Emotional abusers are master manipulators, and they are able to screw you over while at the same time making you feel that it’s either your fault, or at the very least, something they couldn’t help because of their childhood or a past relationship, how hurt they are over something you said or did or even nothing at all ― you just feel sorry for them. Victims of emotional abuse often overlook their abusers’ behavior because they are overly relating with the ‘hurt’ part of the abuser — the innocent part, or the side of the abuser that seems lost, rejected, abandoned.” ― Stines

  Noss is a master manipulators. This has Sweet Sister feeling like every problem in their relationship is her fault. Even when it isn't! 

All of these manipulative things eventually pushes the character of Sweet Sister to take drastic measures to leave the situation so she can be honestly happy. It is a major enticing incident in the book. 

While it will still be a while until this book is done I am so excited to be sharing some of the it with you. I hope that it will get you as excited to read the book as I am to write it.

Until Next Time!!